学这。。。

down.. i feel so down for the whole week. i dunno why.. but i'm feeling very lonely..
had had lunch wif one of my ex-lecturer on Wednesday.. that was good, since he gave some sort of new inspirations to my perspective on LIFE...

i feel sorta losing self confidence day by day, and i'm really afraid.. it scared the hell out of me.. cuz tiz is the least that i could feel insufficient during the years in college.... i was bold, i was egoistic, i used to walk wif head held high, each step taken wif pride..
and now, i walk wif my head looking down, quicken my steps most of the time juz to reach the destination sooner so that i could be as invisible as possible.. not noticeable at all.. hoping that i could be blend into the surroundings.. couldn't be seen.. by other passers-by.. imagine, one of my regular customer who alwiz sees me at VC, asked me the other day, why i'm alwiz walking like yeepa-yeepa-speedy gonzales, wif the head hung low.. never lifted my head even once..
i juz smiled at him and said, "that's me"..
so speaking, i don't understand why i became the person that i am now, i do not know how to analyse anymore, i juz feel so tired.. to make matter worse, i start comparing other ppl with myself.. i compared myself, of wut i have achieved right now, with wut those of my friends, ex-classmates, ex-colleagues, basically everyone around.. possesed. Some how or rather, i find that, they are sure to have succeeded something that is better than me... be it their career, their monthly income, their relationship..or .. whatsoever..
it pricks me real hard when i realized that there is still so much more that i have left out in my life.. things that still yet to be in my possession, things that still yet to be achieved, dreams that are yet to materialize...by me. so you see, that worsen my now already chaotic situation..

but since the lunch session wif my ex-lecturer, it does seems to help cheering me up a bit, things that he told me seems to be working its way into my head,and it's telling me that i could actually do more than i believe i could... that it's the journey that counts, not the destiny.. there will be never be an end, if there isn't any commencing point. this has left much for me to ponder upon..hmmm...i understand that i am in a journey now... and it's no easy path ahead.. but that doesn't refrain me from taking another step on.. all i need is a li'l support..from dear ones, and that is a thing that never lacks in my life..not now, not ever..

therefore: i am learning all over again. soon, i will likely to summon back all my confidence, my self-worth, my self-prospect and most of all, my attitude!
next time around, i will walk holding my head high, nose upright and wif pride. again.